Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
