Pappa wants mamma naked
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
