We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
