Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
