just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
