This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
