The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
