I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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