'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
