They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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