You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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