The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
