How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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