i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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