It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
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