Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
