Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
