do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
