he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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