I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
