I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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