even my farts smell like vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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