He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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