if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
