we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
