Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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