My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
