The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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