I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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