If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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