I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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