I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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