Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
