Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
