apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
