do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
