we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We left the knife in your bed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
