That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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