god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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