I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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