I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
