think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
