is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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