i just had sex bonerless
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
