I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
