is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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