my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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