I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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