OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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