You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
