yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
