Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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