The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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