i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
