***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
